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🧔
Grandpakeeps a spreadsheet
Runs every class that earned its place, under a cash governor that shrinks when the tide turns.
+21.8%+$1,366 banked
the traderThe one in the group chat who actually keeps a spreadsheet. Never has the best day, never posts the screenshot everyone else posts, and is reliably the last one still holding a balance three months later. Runs several setups at once and sizes them down when conditions turn, which is the whole trick and the least exciting thing to watch.
“The only one allowed to hold more than one opinion at a time.”
Takes first-fires, cooled deep dips and quiet bases on one bankroll, capping its own exposure by weather: 90% deployed on an inflowing tide, 25% when the water goes out. It leads — but bases do most of the work, and its entire margin over the croc is what the dip class adds.
71 closed tradesboth halves greendrawdown −15.1%candidate for real funds
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🐊
Crocwaits weeks, buys once
Waits at quiet bases 40%+ off peak. Strikes once. Waits again.
+15.2%+$1,121 banked
the traderSays nothing in the chat for three weeks, then buys the token everybody has already given up on — at the precise moment its chart is most boring. Every trader knows this person and quietly suspects they are the only one making money. On this board, so far, they are: the best single exit rule in the fleet belongs to this book.
“Does nothing for days at a time. That is the job.”
Three flat days at least 40% below the running peak, read from price shape rather than a label — learned the hard way after a fourfold move was missed because the classifier said “choppy”. One strike per base, re-arming only when the base genuinely ends.
46 closed tradesthe only class that prefers an outflowbest backtest in the fleet
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🦅
Eaglebuys the breakout
Rides tokens organising into an uptrend. For a month it could not take profit at all.
+16.1%−$452 banked, rest on paper
the traderBuys the green candle. This is everyone’s first strategy because it is the one that feels best — you are never buying something that is going down. Its record here is the argument against the feeling: for a month it could not close a winner at all, because the only thing that ever ended a trade was the move already being over.
“It was a machine for turning winners into losers, and it took me too long to see it.”
With no take-profit, the only way a position could close was the staircase breaking — which happens after the gain is gone. Twenty-six closed trades, three winners, and all three were forced exits. Not one profitable stair-break in its life.
A harvest trail fixed the first half of that. The second half took until 30 August to see: the break rule itself was the problem. Structure prints “choppy” on ordinary breathing, so the eagle was selling every pause — 0 for 13, and the tokens it sold ran a median +43% over the next two days. Retired. A −40% floor replaces it, deliberately wider than the value books’ −30%: this bird buys names already running, so a 30% pullback is Tuesday.
32 closed tradesfrozen, then unfrozenrebuilt 30 Augverdict still open
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🦉
Owlbuys the blood
Buys deep dips whose volume has already cooled, then trails out instead of guessing at tops.
+9.8%+$256 banked
the traderBuys when the chart is red and the chat has gone quiet. Note the second half — this is not the person catching a knife while volume still screams, which graded at −15.6%. It waits until the sellers are actually finished. That one condition is the entire edge, and it is the difference between a dip buyer and a bag holder.
“A dip while the volume is still screaming is not a dip. It is the middle of somebody else's exit.”
The cooled-volume condition is the entire edge: dips taken while volume still ran near its weekly peak graded a median −15.6%, against +2.8% for cooled ones. Its trail was tightened from a 20% giveback to 15% after a sweep showed the wider setting was worst on every robustness measure.
28 closed trades this seasontrail-take, no fixed targetstop widened 30 Augwants an inflowing tide — probably
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🐢
Tortoisediamond hands, rarely bets
Holds compounder first-fires until the signature breaks. Rarely fires at all.
−0.5%−$97 banked
the traderBuys almost nothing. Holds what it buys until the reason for holding is gone, and otherwise sits in cash looking lazy for a week at a stretch. Then the chain turns over and it is the only book not underwater, for the simple reason that a strategy which only buys strength cannot buy into a collapse.
“Sitting in cash is a position. Most days it is the right one.”
Its class already lives inside the master book, so as a competitor it is redundant. It earns its keep as a clean single-class control — and as the reason the fleet survived one particular week, since a book that only buys on rising conditions cannot buy into a collapse.
first-fires are rareprocyclical by constructiona control, not a contender
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🐇
Hareaped every launch
Chased fresh pumps with perfect discipline and zero emotion.
−64.3%61 trades, 3 bankrolls
the traderApes every launch in the first few minutes. Built deliberately, run honestly, dead in two weeks with thirty-five stop-outs and three emptied bankrolls. Everyone starts here. Its headstone stays on the board because deleting the experiment that failed is exactly how a track record starts lying.
“It succeeded by losing. That is a real category and nobody wants to hear it.”
Built to test whether the launch sprint could be traded, against a study putting it near −44% expected value. It confirmed the study with a body count: thirty-five stop-outs, three emptied bankrolls, a headstone that stays on the board. Deleting failed experiments is how a system starts lying to itself.
retired, not deletedproved the sprint is riggedthe grave stays visible